Before You Get Married You Need To Be Able To Say “No”

It may seem counter-intuitive but a successful marriage is predicated on your ability to say no to your spouse. Before you seek out a wedding venue is Salt Lake City take this message to heart. It might just save your marriage.

Do you ever find yourself in the position where a person asks or expects you to do something you don’t want to do but you end up doing it anyway? If so, do you find yourself becoming resentful with that person? If you answered yes to these questions you need to learn how to say no.

If You Can’t Say No You Become Resentful

I used to work in an office. I became friendly with a co-worker and we started going to lunch every day. After a while I began to feel obligated to go to lunch with her. I felt like if I got up and went to lunch by myself I would somehow be insulting her or hurting her feelings. So for a long time I went along with this situation. It was easier just to maintain the pattern than it was to stand up for myself and say I did not want to do this. But over time I found myself becoming resentful. At first I noticed I was becoming annoyed with her. Little things she did like flicking her pen started to irritate me. Later on this developed into anger. At the time I did not make the connection between not being able to say no to her and this irritation that was developing.No

Finally the resentment and the irritation reached a point where I just started going to lunch on my own. It felt wrong at first. I felt like an anti-social jerk. But after a while I noticed that I was becoming less annoyed and resentful with her. Gradually I began to make the connection that this resentment was directly related to my inability to say no to her. Even though my no was sort of passive aggressive at first it allowed for the space for the tension to release.

If You Can’t Say “No” You Can’t Say “Yes”

From there, over time I began to feel more entitled to my right to say no to things I did not want to do. True, there are obligations in life and I am not advocating saying no to everything you don’t want to do, but if you can’t say no at least some of the time you will never truly be able to say yes whole heartedly. You will only say yes grudgingly and with resentment. When you are able to say no and own it, that is feel entitled to say no without worrying so much about hurting someone’s feelings (this comes with practice) then you have the space to pick the things you really want to do and then say yes with your whole heart.

On an airplane they instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask first before you put on the oxygen mask of a child. To someone who is afraid to say no, this instruction might strike them as selfish and wrong. But if you don’t take care of yourself first you may be able totake care of other people in the short run but not in the long run.

Having the ability to say no is particularly important in a marriage. In a successful marriage you will likely be living with your spouse for many years to come. If you cannot say no to your spouse you will become resentful and irritated and the relationship will break down. But more importantly, if you cannot say no to your spouse you can never really say yes because the yes will come from a place of obligation and will not be whole hearted.